The name badge

A very pleasant woman that I helped today thanked me by name. This was a monumental event. Under normal circumstances most people enjoy hearing their own name. In fact, I have read studies that suggest calling someone by their name 3 times during a normal conversation will subconsciously instill a sense of trust in them, for you. Under my circumstances, a customer calling me by my name fills me with a sense of hope for humanity. Allow me to explain. I work at a beauty supply store whose moniker is the same as a common woman's name. For convenience sake lets say that the name of the store I work at is called Mary's. Thus, my name badge has the store's name in big bold letters over the space that has my name. This is a source of contention for me as every clever male that comes into the store has to make the joke, "ha! So your name is Mary? That's funny, are you all named Mary and you work at Mary's? HaHa" Or, my favorite, "Oh that's cool, your name is Mary and you work at a store called Mary's" Yes. Clearly I am so insecure with myself that I sought a job working at store that shares the same name as me. It gets me a lot of dates. Or maybe Mary's is only interested in hiring people who have the same name. No you jackass. Who in their right mind would choose to work at a store that had the same name as them. That is ridiculous and frankly IF I ever met a person who shared the same name as their place of employment (and it wasn't because they owned the place or were related to someone who owned the place) I would make fun of them constantly and never be their friend.

Which brings me to the worst of the "name confusion" offenders. Working in retail you could surmise that we do many promotions on new products that come out. In fact, every month new products are shipped to our store and as part of promoting them, we are encouraged (read: required) to sport fancy buttons on our Mary's issued smocks, with the original phrase "Ask me about (insert new product name here)" So last month, a new hair color/care product line comes out. It was called "Age Beautiful". I bet you can't guess what the buttons said. Anyway, a nice gentleman comes into the store one day on an errand for his wife (they are always on an errand for their wife) and as I am ringing up his purchase, he squints at my chest and says "Well, your name can't be Mary, that's the other girl's name, wait, is your name Age?"

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Yes. My name is Age. In fact my full name is Mary Age Beautiful Supply Store. It's a family name. Passed down from many generations. Of lowly retail workers. Really? no, REALLY? You retard. Who is named AGE!!?????? No! NO NO NO. How do you even get dressed in the morning? How do even function, wait WHO GAVE YOU A DRIVER'S LICENSE?

Breathe.

"Ha ha, no, no sir, that's not my name. My name is Shannon."

"Oh"

....

"Have a nice day."