Please don't use the products...

Once I had to ask a woman, who incidentally was a "professional" (meaning someone in the cosmetology industry and thus should have been through some sort of training or whatever about cleanliness and sanitation) not to let her children use the brushes and combs we sell if they were not going to actually purchase them. She was offended. Because why wouldn't someone want to buy the hairbrushes that her children used?

We also sell piercing guns. Having worked in a tattoo/piercing shop I am acutely aware of all the bodily fluids/viruses/communicable diseases that can be transferred easily without any awareness. At least 2 times a week I have a customer come in and ask me if they can "try" out our piercing guns before they purchase them.

Of course you can. No problem at all. You see, we here at Mary's have an autoclave right behind the counter so that you can, in fact, pierce yourself, for free and then if you don't feel the gun is meeting your expectations (which I am pretty confident it won't) we can sterilize it and you can walk out the door with a free piercing.

We are totally in the market for free piercings.

We also sell body jewelry.

Awesome.

We also love it when you ask if you can "try" on the tongue ring. Clearly body jewelry is "self cleaning" and can be tried on. I am certain another customer would not mind in the least if I sold them a tongue/nose/nipple/etc. ring that you have previously given a test drive. Of course you don't want to purchase it if it is the wrong size, perhaps you could ask your piercer what size he/she pierced you with? No? Oh, you got pierced with one of our piercing guns in someones basement? Hrmm... I don't know how to help you then.

No, I am sorry, the jewelry is not returnable.

Why?

Well, it's a silly health code thing. I know, pretty lame huh?

This is why I drink.

And also why I am slightly addicted to hand sanitizer.