Remember the good ole' days kids? When people were honest and respectable and you could leave your door unlocked and trust your neighbors? Yeah, me neither.
We have a lot of shoplifting at my work.
It is my responsibility to try and prevent this from happening.
After months of dealing with this you begin to get a certain "sense" of which type of customers that come into the store may be potential shoplifters.
Particularly, people that come in wearing slippers and white, transparent pajama shorts. Oh, and a shirt with no bra. Which brings me to another question; why do so many people leave the house these days in their pajamas? I am all for comfort and have been known on occasion to wear pj pants to the store. But they are usually plaid. Or at least a dark enough color that if I wasn't wearing any undergarments you wouldn't be able to tell. Also, put on a bra for god's sake. I know, I know, why should we have to wear bras? Why can't we just be natural. Blah, blah, blah. I hate bras too. They are uncomfortable. All the wires and metal clasps and unbreathable fabric. When I get home from work one of the first things I do is remove the bra. That's in the privacy of my own home though. The only other person that has to witness my unsheathed breasts in all their glory is my dog, and I own her so she doesn't get a choice.
So this woman walks in wearing very short, transparent, white cotton shorts. Underneath the shorts she had on a turquoise thong. Which was a great choice I think as it really broke up the monotony of all the white. She was also wearing a purple shirt with no bra. Let me paint the picture for you; she was probably about five foot nine and a svelte 300 pounds, 100 of which I am sure was living on her chest. One of her boobs was the size of my head. At least. Oh, lets not forget the faux Mohawk/mullet with purple and white stripes.
You couldn't make this shit up if you tried ladies and gentlemen.
As I am watching "slipper girl" walk around the store suspiciously picking up items and then setting them down in random places (like her purse) her friend, with the entire set of gold teeth tries to distract me with inane questions about hair glue. Gold teeth?
My coworker, bless her common sense notices what is happening and starts watching "slippers" on the video camera monitor behind the counter to try and catch her in the act of pilfering our goods.
This was obviously very rude of us and totally unacceptable behavior.
So "slippers" comes up to the counter, cutting in front of an entire line of paying customers and starts yelling at me. Now she wasn't actually yelling at me, it was more like she was trying to ask me a question about something but her inner rage at the fact that I was suspicious of her behavior was coming out in the extreme volume of her voice. When I didn't immediately respond to her she proceeded to start speaking to anyone who would listen (and really how could we not listen as she was still shouting) about how my coworker and I were "spyin' white bitches, trying to catch her do somethin'. Nosy white spyin' bitches"
Understandably the other customers in line were getting a bit uncomfortable. This is where my customer service skills come in handy.
"I'm sorry ma'am but if you are going to speak that way I am going to have to ask you to leave."
I guess this was the wrong thing to say?
"You f*cking stupid white bitch, I will leave when I wanna leave. Shi*, nosy stupid bitch, you can't make me leave." and on. and on.
"Excuse me for a moment ma'am" I said to the very nice lady at my register. Turning to the she hulk I said,
"Okay, here's the thing. You can go buy whatever it is you need, someplace else. But you need to leave now, I don't need you in my store talking that way"
I am apparently not very threatening as she laughed at me.
"You stupid skinny white bitch, f*ck you, you can't make me leave, I'll leave when I wanna leave, stupid spyin' bitch."
So I did what any normal stupid skinny white bitch would do in this situation. I called the cops.
This was when she started threatening my life, but at least she was doing it while she was walking out the door.
And then, as if the situation couldn't get anymore surreal, it did. As soon as she got to the parking lot, she mooned me.
Man I work at the classiest establishments.
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