No. I just combine my love of Johnny Cash and this place by wearing all black all the time along with this very comfortable polyester smock that bears the company's name on it. Oh, I also have no friends and worry that people won't remember my name so I wear a name tag too and walk around asking shoppers if I can help them with anything.
Phone call
"Yes, where are you located?"
(To protect myself from further irritating customers I won't divulge the address here but I did tell that customer)
"Well, how do I get there?"
"Where are you coming from?"
"I don't know."
"Well, what street are you on?"
"I am not sure."
"I really don't know how to give you directions then."
"Oh, well could you stay open until I get there?"
I suppose that depends on whether or not you are coming from the next town or Alaska and since neither of us has any idea where the hell you are I am really not sure how to answer that question.
"I am looking for shampoo, do you sell that here?"
No, the giant wall of shampoo you are standing in front of are actually bottles filled with syrup.
Sorry to mislead you.
"Yes, we do in fact it is right here."
"Well I am looking for a really good one."
"Is there any particular benefits you would like it to have?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well we have moisturizing shampoo, volumizing shampoo, shampoo that protects your hair color, shampoo that enhances curl, fights frizz, smooths that hair..."
"I just want a good one."
Let's fast forward a bit, I showed her 12 different shampoos. None of them were "good" ones. Mostly because none of them were under two dollars. Mostly because she had no idea what she meant by a "good" shampoo. Mostly because the retail gods hate me.
"So how much developer do I need to mix with this hair color?"
"2 ounces."
"So how do I know how much that is?"
"Well, on this bottle that you are buying to mix the color and developer in there are markings on the side that go from 1 ounce to 8 ounces, all you need to do is pour the developer into the bottle up to the line that says 2 ounces. Then pour all of the color into the bottle and mix it together."
Pointing to the line on the bottle that indicates an ounce and a half "So I should pour it in to right about here?"
"No, you need to pour it up to the line that is marked 2 ounces."
"Oh. So then how much color do I put in?"
"The entire bottle."
"Oh...Do you have a card or something in case I have questions about how to do this when I get home?"
"Well our number is posted on the receipt and I will be here until 9:00 in case you have any questions. I will also write down the instructions for you so that you can refer to them."
"Ok."
Guess who called about 2 hours later wondering how much developer she should pour into the bottle and how would she know what 2 ounces was. Some days I am surprised I can stay sober without shooting myself.
The best question that I get asked about 10 times a day is "What is my total?"
You would think this is a normal non irritating question as I work in retail. What makes it so awesome is that they ask the question immediately after setting their products on the counter before I have even started ringing them up. Seriously who does that? Why, WHY do you ask me that when I clearly have not even started the transaction? Is it meant to be a compliment? Are you implying that I am so intelligent that I can automatically scan all 17 of your items and calculate how much you are going to need to pay including tax and coupons? Or are you just completely oblivious to reality? And rude? And annoying?
No comments:
Post a Comment